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Profile of Psychopath vs Sociopath, and how you can tell if you’re in a relationship with one

Posted by E on February 11, 2012

Chances are, we have all encountered psychopaths in our lives, but not thought of them as so simply because when the word psychopath comes up, we think of serial killers and completely dysfunctional social rejects, not successful heads of corporations and even a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Even worse, the definition is often blurred even within the psychiatric community, with the terms sociopath and psychopath being used interchangeably. Even the very definition of psychopathology appears to evolve with each updated rendition of the DSM manual, the de facto bible of the psychiatric industry.

I’m going to take the leap and call it for what it is: for all intents and purposes, psychopaths and sociopaths are the same. They both lack emotional empathy, and are chronic liars and manipulators. They may differ only in the extent of their pathology, and as far as I’m concerned, that difference is not sufficient enough to bother differentiating them.

Now, if you know me you’ll also know that I tend to sit somewhat on the edges of the anti-psychiatry camp, in the sense that I believe too much of natural human behaviour has been syndromized and classified as mental illness when really it was just an excuse for intolerant social mores to enforce discrimination against the marginalized – case in point, homosexuality being diagnosed as an illness until the late 1970s, or the diagnosis for hysteria as a front for patronizing, patriarchal Victorian norms. And of course I am concerned now about young children being classified as ADD and Ritalinized into submission while their small brains are still developing.

However, I also recognize that brains, as transmitters of emotion and interpreters of reality, can be damaged biochemically – as a chronic sufferer of depression, I have personally witnessed how SSRIs have improved the quality of my life, albeit temporarily, hence I am not going to whole-heartedly bash the field of psychiatry. Not in its entirety, at least.

Recent research is also showing increased evidence of biological components in psychopathology – the reduction of mirror neurons in the part of the brain responsible for empathy and emotions. In other words, lack of empathy and “coldness” can be passed on from parent to child.

So how do you know if you have a psychopath (i.e. a sociopath) in your life? How can you tell if your best friend or partner might exhibit signs of this pathology? I’ve assembled a quick checklist to help clarify the profile of this type of person.

Psychopathy is defined by a pattern of interpersonal relationships, emotion, and behavior. The syndrome can be summarized as a cluster of related symptoms:

  • Glib and superficial
  • Egocentric and grandiose
  • Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Lack of empathy
  • Deceitful and manipulative
  • Shallow emotions
  • Impulsive
  • Poor behavior controls
  • Need for excitement
  • Lack of responsibility

Lack of empathy

Psychopaths possess a general lack of empathy. At an extreme they are simply unable to understand the emotional states of other people, except in a purely detached, intellectual sense. Other people are thus little more than objects for their personal gratification. This callousness extends to everybody, family or strangers alike. They neglect other people’s needs and desire and can casually inflict cruelty. A normal, empathic person experiences distress when he observes another human in pain, but the unempathic psychopath feels nothing. Psychopaths are thus capable of stunning acts of cruelty because they are not restrained by any unpleasant reaction to their victims’ suffering.

 PROFILE OF A PSYCHOPATH

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Conning
    • They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
    • Grandiose Sense of Self
    • Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
    • Pathological Lying
      • Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.
      • Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
      • A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
      • Shallow Emotions
      • When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
      • Incapacity for Love
      • Need for Stimulation
      • Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
      • Callousness/Lack of Empathy
        • Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
        • Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
          • Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
          • Irresponsibility/Unreliability
            • Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
            • Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
            • Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
            • Authoritarian
            • Secretive
            • Paranoid
            • Conventional appearance
            • Incapable of real human attachment to another 

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others.

 For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It’s primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game.

In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you’ll forgive them, and one day when they’ve gone too far, they’ll leave you with a broken heart. By then they’ll have a new player for their game.

 Where everyone occasionally tells a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. Psychopaths don’t discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat. There’s no distinction between friend and family.

Anyway, I hope this entry will help provide you with additional clarity in terms of what defines a psychopath. It is estimated that psychopaths make up as high as 4% of the population, which results in millions of people around us who reflect these psychological traits. If you suspect that someone close to you is a psychopath, remember that by the time they reach their teenage years the behaviour has become permanent. You cannot change who they are – you can only protect yourself and walk away from damaging relationships with such emotionally-disturbed, cruel and emotionally-harmful people.

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30 Responses to “Profile of Psychopath vs Sociopath, and how you can tell if you’re in a relationship with one”

  1. Russ Brisbane Aust said

    Concurs with most of the info i’ve read elsewhere. I well know a psychopath who i went to boarding school with who exhibits most of the behaviours outlined. Rampant promiscuity,impulsive spender, punches out cabbies and others,takes without asking[bloated sense of entitlement],took my phone and keys once and tried to cut copies and also went through my contacts and took those he thought usefull,claims to hate gays but has tried some creepy moves on myself and others, blew $80.000 in a three month binge on escorts booze speed weed, and barred from no less than nine innercity hotels including trashing several of them. Wasn’t a problem.. just pulled out the platinum credit card and paid to keep police out of it.Lies and denials are standard behaviour and if you argue ,he’s quick to point out you’re selfish and think only of yourself.

  2. Nice post. 4%? Wow. Ive never seen statistics like that before. Ive come across 1% in a few respectable sources. Where did that figure come from?

    • E said

      Quite a few sources and online news articles. Also Dr. Robert Hare, an expert on psychopaths, stated the 4% figure.
      Also a new book out, mentioned in this Forbes magazine article http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2011/06/14/why-some-psychopaths-make-great-ceos/ states this number. Remember, 4% is an estimated range, with the actual numbers varying according to population type and various other factors.
      Those with personality disorders but NOT the insane usually fall into one of three types that are typically considered aggravating circumstances in addition to their legal guilt — antisocial personality disorder (APD), sociopath, or psychopath — none of which are the same as insanity or psychosis. APD is the most common type, afflicting about 4% of the general population. Sociopaths are the second most common type, with the American Psychiatric Association estimating that 3% of all males in our society are sociopaths and Stout (2005) estimating 4% of the population. Psychopaths are rare, found in perhaps 1% of the population, but represented in 25% of the prison population, and 4% among corporate CEOs (Ronson 2011).

  3. “To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game.”
    and “You cannot change who they are – ”

    plus getting out of a relationship with a psychopath is very difficult as “Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim.”

    you have nicely examined this disorder.
    ciao!

  4. Sherry said

    Just read this about psychopath and need some advise please? My Sisters had a Tramatic Brain Injury back in April2012 and met this man 3 days before her accident on a dating web-site. We told him that he must not go to the Hospital until we knew what was happening with her and even though he had not actually met her he went to the Hospital. After 3 days of visiting her in the Hospital he proposed and though she said no he did not stop until she said yes. He made her sell her House and move to his House and as starting spending her money from the House on a brand new flash car and all sorts. He gets very upset if he as to go out with her Family and even starts crying to get her attention and she then as to leave. We know long really get to see her because he just likes it to be her and him. Because of her head injury he takes total control and makes her wear clothers that he only likes her to wear. She as started only wearing designer clothers because he only likes her in these. If she wants to put on lounge clothers he will not allow her to wear these. I could go on and on but do you think this is a psychopath man?

    • E said

      It does sound like she has a controlling and manipulative partner, but without actually being evaluated by a professionally-trained psychologist or psychiatrist, it is difficult to say whether he is clinically a psychopath or just a total jerk (often that line is blurred).

  5. Jamie said

    Speaking as a socipath, I dislike your article. We are not the same. Although as you noted we suffer from some of the stages, I feel love and empathy fr family members, and close friends. However i will screw over some one else. So I dont lack emotion. Also that is not me being interolent, as it is not for any people, I would screw over any of you for my gain. When i was first told that was not normal i was shicked. Be honest ho ouldnt screw someone you dont kno, or slightly, for your own gain?

  6. MARY said

    Well Jamie OBVIOUSLY you are a sociopath However Most People would not SCREW someone else for their own gain I am being Honest You probably don’t recognize this because you are DAMAGED God Bless you

    • Jeff said

      It’s not nice to tell people they are damaged and it definitely doesn’t help.

    • Jack Hades said

      1. Don’t call people damaged, in fact in most cases I would consider an personalty disorder to improve the person; n some cases it makes one more intelligent.
      2. Most would screw people over, it’s pretty easy as well…
      3. Do not impose your belief on others by saying “god bless you”, not everyone has the same imaginary friend.
      4. Try not to capitalise things like obviously and damaged. It makes you come across as a simple minded do-gooder prick. Which, OBVIOUSLY, you probably are, like so many others of this infernal species.

    • Leon said

      Your comment is judgemental, with a large dollop of phony and patronising religous dreck thrown in for good measure. FWIW, I’ve been screwed over by those justifying their actions through a religous filter more than any other people. We ALL have our coping mechanisms, some are simply more widely understood and thus accepted than others.

  7. DEJA said

    I know I was married to a psychopath..he fits the description and I have tick marked everything on the list that describes a psychopath.. my husband history of loosing loved ones due to death..two brothers, two babies and a best friend and to top it off his x-wife left him for another man after she became pregnant. This all happened within 5 years..I met him 3 years after his x- wife left him. We married almost five years ago and its been a life of utter hell since then…now I know why the first wife left.. He is very successful 2 masters degrees and owns five properties and a business andis in a top position in his job…everyone seems to be fooled by his success and discounts the fact that there is something not right with him mentally and emotionally…I used to cry out for help but no one would listen because they were impressed with his success and made me out to be the problem…people accept the fact that he is private…which I interpret as secretive.He is very .introverted and a bit suspicious of others.,,if there is a family gathering he willl often be off in a corner to himself…isolating himself from people…completely distached..even when I was diagnosed with cancer he was unable to hold my hand when i was getting injected with chemo..he would come no where near me in the chemo room..he was there physcially for my treatments and appointments but nobody was home emotionally..completely cold, cruel and distached.. when I decided that I have had enough of emotional abuse I decided to go thru with the divorce after my treatments were finished. He doesnt want me to divorce but he doesnt want the marriage and intimacy either and is terrified of becoming “close” to me but refuses to let me move on with my life.. In retaliation of me deciding to divorce he spoke death over me after coming home from chemo treatment. Also the statements that he would often say to me is “I do love you. but love and hate brew from the same source..what fuels one emotion..fuels the other.” He would also say that no matter how many husbands I have I will always be his wife….. As a professional what do you think about his behavior..from what I described would you say he is psychopathic?. I know in my heart that I have made the right decision to leave.

    • Jeff said

      He said he loved you. How do you know he didn’t? Did he lie cheat or steal? No? Then what makes you think that he didn’t? Love is a loosely defined word. They’re are many types of love. How do you know that his redone to your chemo wasn’t fear of your death? “people accept the fact that he is private…which I interpret as secretive” you are using your own interpretation to describe someone else’s feelings and actions. Nobody is the same. Don’t be foolish, speak to him. Obviously you feel regret or you wouldn’t be here. I will not be posting again. Good luck.

  8. I grow up with a psychopathic mom, and I completely agree with your post. Probably the one who does’t, it is because I have a theory that some psychopathic can use their “power” for a good purpose. Probably that’s way the statistics are so high. Unfortunately, my mom isn’t this kind, even if in the begging probably she tried. Now that the family and the old friends know who she is, she opened a church to manipulated other people, the one who still believe in her. We hardly see her or talk to her, because we aren’t possible victims anymore. That’s an awful disease and the only thing we can do is to protect ourselves against the psychopathics until they make a mistake and get caught… if it ever happens!

  9. caleb said

    Well considering I’m a psychopath and 14 their is one thing you forgot to mention or just didn’t know about us. We can mask ourselves, and if we didn’t want people to know they won’t. We can fake emotion we can fake it to the point were its almost the same thing as real but its still fake. We fake and lie and cheat and steal and act to the point were we seem normal but their are always tells. Also we have a conscious it says this is wrong, and this is right, we just don’t care. So if you think someone’s a psychopath and your right then run, run and never look back because when they know you found them out….they’ll come for you and won’t stop. Ever. Unless they deem you a non threat but they’ll keep a close close eye on you.

    • Jack Rand said

      Humm… interesting, I knkw someone, he’s 14 and shows many of the traits of being a Psychopath and took great plesure in telling me how he loves to watch people suffer… he fits a lot of the above… yet I don’t feel like running even though he has been a dick and I’ve pissed him right off.. I actually want to stay and watch him, find it interesting to be honest… if we’d not fallen out I’d probably be one of those who are an accomplice before then becoming a victim… not sure… interesting though… you think he is coming for me? Come at me!

  10. Daisy said

    Now I know. I have been in this relationship for about one week. Met the family. He said they loove me. But I’ve always had this feeling that he was cheating on me. He’d hold his phone behind my back. He even renamed one of his contacts to “grandpa” and say “I love you mwa” …the same stuff he said to me. This hurt me a lot. I don’t know who else to talk to this about. After I’ve read this, it’s like … NOW I KNOW. I’ve been in a relationship with a psycho before, and I saw all the signs, but I ignored them, because he manipulated me into thinking he cared. Sometimes when I didn’t allow him to do that, he’d freak out and charm me, wich made me believe it again. Now…how the heck do I get myself out of this mess??!! The worst thing I did was tell him that I had enough of his crap on BBM…and deleted him and tried to phone him to break the relationship off. Please excuse the c word…It’s not cool. I feel like acting like a psycho too, just to show him that he can’t get to me… To spite him. But it could end up violent. I feel so betrayed and sick. I don’t want to talk about the other things that I think he has done.I thought he was the right one. Hed always ask me out and I’d always say no, bacause I was in a relationship with that other psycho. Randomly we met paths again… Everyone at church said it was meant to be…but he charmed them all to believe so. I thank God I came across this.

  11. Brisey said

    Hi Ya. I believe I am a psychopath I have all the characteristics associated except non cruelty to animals as they defenceless What should I do,do I go the doc I don’t want hurt anyone that’s not my way but been systematically lying to my wife and eventually being caught I have no feelings for hurt I have caused but realise the harm I caused so thinking need some counselling Your thoughts please

    • dykinni said

      Ditto. I: I’ve done so much research and I want to be the most I can. I’m a mom and having my daughter changed a lot for me. I try really hard to be a decent human and set a good example for her because I don’t want her to grow up with this lonely gnawing pain I feel endlessly. But at the same time I can’t resist impulses, I’ve managed to maintain almost total sobriety for two years, and haven’t gotten in fights since I got pregnant. I try not to steal or do wrong……. But at the same time I’m living with a sugar daddy who pays me for love more than anything else and its all a facade. I can seamlessly fake whatever I need to. Yet I want to feel human more than anything. I want to love and be loved but I destroy every relationship I’m in and most of my friendships are on and off because I act so irrationally or cold or distant. Its so awful. And most days I wish I was dead, but I keep doing stuff and trying to act and be a moral individual by societal standards… Idk. There’s no information or guide on how to be a good person as a psychopath. I can’t work a normal job. I barely function as a human lol. I go through depressive phases. And from what information I have found there’s no effective treatment or medication, and most psychopaths wind up with a secondary disorder such as schizophrenia. Its terrible. We don’t all mean to be such terrible people. We just don’t know how to be happy at all.

  12. […] Profile of Psychopath vs Sociopath, and how you can tell if you're in a relationship with one […]

  13. AnonymousSavant said

    I’m worried I might be a psychopath. I display all the characteristics bar lack of emotion, but even then I can easily turn that off and become an unfeeling husk. Furthermore, I have an urge to destroy and regular almost uncontrollable impulse to go on a rampage, destroying and killing everything. I try to gain control of my behaviour but I find myself back at it again in the same day. I had a history of animal abuse and while I was an extraordinarily easy baby, the first time my mom said I laughed was when I was dunking a cat into a mop bucket.

    • E said

      @AnonymousSavant – you know yourself best, and while it’s not up to me to offer a diagnosis, I’d say that you’re probably right – hurting small, defenseless animals who can’t speak about what you did is a key marker in the diagnosis of psychopathy.
      I think you should try to seek treatment – perhaps find a counsellor in your area who can help you with preventative tips. You can have your psychological makeup and yet learn ways to control your anger before it explodes.

      It’s for your own good as well as that of the people and pets around you – because if you go into a numb rage, you can destroy your own future (if you do something illegal, etc). So I do urge you to seek counselling, or even to maybe attend a self-help group. You can just use a fake name if you’re concerned about your identity, but the most important thing is to learn how to control your own impulses before you or someone else gets hurt.

    • Beth Turner said

      Hi there, thank you for sharing your story. While it is certain that the behaviors you have mentioned above are typical to those suffering from psychopathy, I’d like to provide a deeper psychological analysis to perhaps help provide a springboard to a recovery path. Many psychopaths have never killed an animal or another being that is, in a relative respect, unable to fight back.

      By choosing this behavior to manifest your psychopathy, it is clear that there is a certain lack of control that overwhelms you in your life which would be causal for the control to be reclaimed in any given instance where these animals were being hurt/killed. Don’t let the psychopathy win. Think critically. Try to think of different instances where you experienced this feeling of a lack of control, and I bet you will be able to pinpoint the exact trigger moment that has done such a good job at bottling up only negative emotions over the course of your life. In sum, you can feel negative emotions and may feel exhilarating release perpetrating these acts against beings that cannot fight back to the same extent that a human would be able to. You can if you so chose, put your best face on every morning. Why is it that so many CEO’s and Politicians are psychopaths and can function at such a high level without hurting anyone? There are gradients to the pathology.

      Closing disclosure; look into studies that suppress psychopathic behavior using medical cannabis. A livable and manageable future may be in sight for all dealing with this psychological profile.

  14. lisa said

    What is the difference between sociopath/psychopath and bi polar disorder? My son has some of the things you write, I noticed them when he was young, he is now almost 26. He is living with us, and his university course is done and he has no job, so I get no break. I love him, he is not dangerous, but he is capable of driving someone to drink or kill themselves. Literally.

  15. Leana said

    Hello everyone
    The torture for me is the following – deciding whether I have been with a psychopath or just a man who did not love me and used me. It is, in certain respects, easier to walk away from someone with a personality disorder, whom you know can’t love, than from someone who can love – only not you. I have been in a relationship with a true psychopath for two years – that was 6 years ago. He had all the classic character traits of a psychopath and there was NO doubt – he was also diagnosed bi-polar and I received mail from his ex-girlfriend, but at the time, didn’t want to listen. The honeymoon period and all the attention was too great to let go – it ended in financial and emotional disaster.

    In March 2016, 4 years after my disastruous relationship, I communicated with a man who lived a good 900 kms from me on a datingsite where he posted a very tearful profile – my initial instinct was that it was very soppy and that it would repel most women with healthy gut but interest empathic women.I was extremely aware of my previous situation and read as much as I could find on the Internet concerning psychopathy.

    He came on very suddenly and a week after communication he wanted to fly to me and meet me and I found it very romantic and special. I wanted him to stay in a BB but he changed the plan a day before his arrival and asked whether he could stay at my place for 10 days “holidaying with me in order for us to get to know each other better and in order for us to spend time like two people who haven’t known great hurt in their lives.” I found this extremely forthcoming, strange and way too familiar – but I felt rude to say no this doesn’t suit me – plus the expensive ticket was already bought. He just put his bags down as if this is the most natural thing in the world. I was taken aback when I realized I had to go and fetch him from the airport(that he wasn’t going to rent his own) and he stood by as I paid the hefty fee for the parking as well. He flew three times to me for at least 10 days to two weeks at a time – costing me an arm and a leg buying groceries and him sponsoring the minimum whilst using me to help him with the writing of scripts and so forth. I was exhausted. At the end of his visit in July(his third visit and 3 months into the contact and texting and cell phone calls), I felt it was a relationship and I decided to have sex with him. Right after the sex he started crying and just stared at me – he told me he was actually living with another woman, After a lot of questions from my side I realized he me hert on the dating site more or less two weeks before me and I worked out that he moved in with her 2 days before flying to me for his “holiday”.He immediately went upstairs to call her while I was frozen with shock and fear and disgust. He spoke to her in the most monotone of voices and told her he would be flying in that evening and that he was with a friend. When he came back in the room I asked him why did he do that – how could he lie to me and to her like that = he replied otherwise he wouldn’t have a lift from the airport to their home. I wanted him out – I screamed like a maniac but my heart was torn between the man who sang me songs on his guitar, the man who was so gentle and soft spoken and loving to me and the bizarre information I stumbled upon. I was caught in the epicenter of womanhood – I had sex and now this had to work by all standards otherwise I was cheap. He told me with tears how he just knew he had to meet me and that she wasn’t right for him – that he has made a mistake moving in with her but she had financial troubles and that he “helped” her. After July the distrust was there and the communication very scant – he sent me long texts full of sorrow and regret – I felt that I lost the love of my life due to circumstance. That December he called me to tell me its all over between him and the woman and that he will be moving – either to my city or a city far away but we could continue where we left off. By now I was seeing red flags everywhere – he was married 3 times, has 4 children from 2 marriages, apparently was divorced from his 3rd very rich wife because she suspected he sold her car to his cousin and never retrieved the money. He lived with his friend in a house but the friend was very upset because he was complimenting the friends wife inappropriately on a constant basis and costing them huge amounts of money. When I went in March this year to see where and how he is going to live in the new city near my family I discovered the following – that his car is not in driving condition, that he had no place to live and organized himself a room with his newly wed daughter within 20 minutes while I was waiting in the car, that I had this constant feeling that he was cheating on me. He would be very intimate with me but after each visit, when I took him to the airport he would shed the friendliness and walk away from me with no expression as if he did not know me. I broke up with him in March 2016 after he told me he could date way more beautiful women than me. From there onwards he constantly put me down and up against other younger women with little remarks. He also started telling me he loves me but he is not in love with me with long emails of about 20 pages on love and attraction which was very hurtful. I am a very attractive, accomplished and inshape woman but as much as he was so in awe with me in the start, I was unable to face myself in a mirror after he was done with all the subtle insults. He even charmed the cashiers in he Supermarket but towards me he went from ice cold to warm and intimate in seconds. I was so confused. He wormed his way back into my life with the constant questions on whether he could come and live with me, The last time he was here, 4 weeks ago he walked through the gates as if he has seen me yesterday. I broke up with him once again and contacted his ex girlfriend and told her everything. She told me he paid no rent for the first 4 months while holidaying with me i(she was shocked out of her shoes to learn that he flew to me 3 days after moving in with her and her MOTHER!!!!!0, that he was lazy,moody and on the internet until 3 in the mornings AND THAT HE PREVIOUSLY EVEN LIVED IN THE OLD AGE HOME WITH HIS FRIENDS MOTHER – bumming off her). He was semi impotent and that was my experience as well -though very sexual on the surface. I contacted his ex wife and she told me she has an idea he stole her stuff. He had an affair with his previous wife’s(wife nr 2) best friend, an affair with his assistant and an affair with his first wife’s secretary. He also recruited young black impoverished girls to “help” them find their way – this ex wife found him in the mornings in their rooms talking to them while they were scantily dressed and told him it was inappropriate. My last straw was the fact that he went to his parents little flatlet build in the backyard of their home (the home which they rented out to have money to survive (they are 84 and 80) and got them to move out of the little room with bathroom and kitchenette back into their house so he could move from his daughters flat in there. When I told him this move could kill them – they are old and frail – he said no it won’t – its good for them. From the time that he stationed himself there I got the feeling he didn’t need my home or me anymore – I also have an idea that he has been blacklisted and apart from having no money probably cant rent something in his name. He is back on the datingsite – a week after our breakup which left him tearful – once again with a sob story and wanting to look into a woman’s beautiful tearful eyes and only death should separate them – I actually wanted to laugh – it is so transparently insincere if one knows what to look for – there are so many incidents – from sending me constant pics to SHOW me where he is(but then I found contrary cell texts later with the corresponding date on his phone). There were so many lies and the total discard of me as a person is a huge trauma. I might sound together but I often told him I hurt so much I wish someone will come and kill me. He destroyed the healthy, vibrant, self-assured woman and I have to put the pieces together all by myself while he is flaunting his next romantic victory around and chatting up unsuspecting women on the dating sites. Writing an inkling of this down made me look at it more objectively and I feel great relief telling you this – even if it is the tip of the iceberg concerning all the humiliations and the huge huge huge confusion which sent my brain into a total tailspin – might I add my friends, children and family forced me to break up – but sometimes, I catch myself remembering the little moments of romance and then again of evil – and my heart just sinks with hurt

  16. Leana said

    Footnote – The first date should read March 2015, 4 years after (not 2016)*

  17. Beth Turner said

    Hey, it may be worth noting here that while all the fact discussed above are true, there is an interesting gender interaction that occurs in psychopathy analysis. Out of the 4% population that is comprised of psychopaths, there is a staggering percentage of those that are male or identify with the male gender binary. It is between 85 and 90%. I have seen an argument that while there are negligible differences between the behavior practiced by sociopaths and psychopaths there is a clear difference in pathology. Largely, a psychopath profile comes down to a state of nature, whereas a sociopath is more likely to be the product of their nurtured state.

    All this to say, there is much that is still not know about this specific, and I would like to argue, widely misunderstood, psychological profile. We can see gendered effectuation and points of origins just as a few of areas where there are shortcomings in research.

    If you are a psychopath and you are reading this, I hope you have a wonderful day. Put your best face on today and have a positive impact in someone’s life.

  18. Court jester. said

    Great article. Could of used this information about a year ago. Needed that closure to wrap my head around a recent break up. Sometimes the answer is so simple and we search for complicated exuses and farfetched reasons as to why someone doesnt love us back, trying to force a piece to a puzzle that doesnt fit. Realizing that it would of never worked isnt upsetting. Realizing i let myslef be the fool is the real kicker. It wont harden me or make suspicious of the next potential soul mate(if there is such a thing).

    Love is taking a chance. Giving in to the unknown. Feeling vulernerable but comfortable at the same time. To me its best rush life has to offer. I was lucky to have three true loves in my life. Im 37 and scared i used them all up.

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