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Archive for the ‘wtf’ Category

Character Assassination or just…Assasination?

Posted by E on June 10, 2010

I’m sitting here watching Amanda Knox’s parents on Oprah, trying their best to clear their (convicted murderer, pictured on the left in the photo above) daughter’s reputation, and the thoughts that are rapidly crossing through my mind are:

1. What kind of strings did they pull to get Oprah to endorse this charade?
2. Yet another unbalanced tripe that passes as journalism – with no side given to Meredith Kercher’s family, and 100% attention to the Knox side. But of course, Italian authorities were guilty of “trial by media”, botched up the investigation, the jury hated the blond&blue-eyed innocent young girl, the list goes on.
3. If the freaking drug-dealer’s DNA is inside that poor raped and murdered British girl, then how did the drug-dealer get in the house, past all the other roommates and boyfriends there? Wouldn’t a more plausible explanation be, they invited the druggie in to buy some of his stuff, the party got out of hand, and they collectively murdered Meredith in a drug-infused stupor?
4. DEJA VU!! This is so, SO reminiscent of the Schapelle Corby case, where an equally blue-eyed, innocent Westerner female just happened to be caught by Indonesian authorities with a boogie-board stuffed with hashish. Read my blog entry on Schapelle here.
5. A motive doesn’t have to be necessary in an accidental death…esp one that involves drug and alcohol-fueled parties
6. Oh, the irony! All these accusations of “trial by media” having impacted Knox’s trial, when in fact the ABC co-anchor and other personalities invited on the Oprah show are also members of said-media…but I suppose their point of view is to be weighed more than that of those oh-so-biased European media outlets??
7. And lastly, never underestimate the tear-jerker effect of broken-hearted parents who triumph their convicted murderer daughter’s innocence on Oprah.
Where, oh where is the humanity? Those horrible judges, those lying lawyers, that hating jury who would convict Little Miss Amanda?…. Don’t they know anything? That a pretty, blond co-ed raised by a nice American family just does not DO this sort of thing??

So let’s all discard our IQ to the wayside and pitch in to her college fund (since she’s enrolled in university long-distance studies, like a good girl should be) and jump on the Let’s-Free-Amanda bandwagon! If I send in a dollar to the Defence Fund, do I get a ribbon, a button pin or an elastic wristband?…

.

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Posted in amanda knox, bullshit, italy, media, meredith kercher, murder, news, oprah, press, violence, wtf | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Beijing 2008: Top 10 Olympic scandals, hissy fits and tantrums

Posted by E on August 23, 2008

This has been one colourful Olympics. For every glorious moment of well-deserved glory for winning athletes, there was a hissy fit, temper tantrum and otherwise classy behaviour from others not quite caught in the Olympic spirit.

It took until the last day to get our gold-medal moment of shame, which I will arbitrarily award to Cuba’s Angel Matos, but there are many other honorable mentions. So here they are, our spectacular lineup of athletic sportsmanship: *drumroll*

GOLD MEDAL LOSER: taekwondo (curtesy of CBC)

Taekwondo athlete Angel Matos of Cuba faces a lifetime ban after kicking the referee in the face following his disqualification in a bronze-medal match Saturday at the Beijing Games. Matos’s coach Leudis Gonzalez also faces a lifetime ban in response to the incident that took place at the end of the men’s over-80 kg bout.
“We didn’t expect anything like what you have witnessed to occur,” said World Taekwondo Federation secretary general Yang Jin-suk. “I am at a loss for words.”

SILVER MEDAL LOSER: wrestling (Courtesy of the Telegraph.uk)

Abrahamian threw down his 84kg greco-roman bronze in disgust after his shot at gold was ended by a decision denounced by the Swedish coach as “politics”. Abrahamian took the medal from around his neck during the medal ceremony, stepped from the podium and dropped it in the middle of the mat before storming off. The Swedish wrestler had to be restrained by team-mates earlier as a row erupted with judges over the decision in a semi-final bout with Andrea Minguzzi of Italy, who went on to the take gold. Abrhamian, who won silver at the Athens 2004 Games, shouted at the referee, then went over to confront judges, angrily throwing off the restraining arm of a team official. Swedish fans booed loudly as the judges filed out of the arena. Abrahamian said nothing to waiting reporters but whacked an aluminium barricade with his fist as he left the hall.

Abrahamian was eventually stripped of his bronze medal by the IOC because of this tantrum.

BRONZE MEDAL LOSER: fencing

I have decided to remove this particular entry because it is time to put this incident to rest.

OTHER (DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS:

These other guys didn’t throw hissy fits during their matches, but must be included nonetheless in order to have a complete account of Beijing 2008’s various petty dramas:

4. The lip-synching fiasco:

The golden Olympic opening ceremonies was somewhat tarnished by news accounts that some of the fireworks had been computer-added to the program we all saw, and that the pretty little girl in the red dress who sang so sweetly was actually lip-syncing, with the original pre-recorded child singer deemed “too ugly” by the Chinese program directors, because she had a missing tooth and buck teeth.

5. The underage gymnast scandal

Chinese gymnasts are very likely younger than the minimum allowed age of 16 – and certificates have been “doctored” by Chinese officials in order to allow them to participate, leading to a team gold medal and several other gold and silver medals that weren’t deserved. While this cheating allegation is currently being seriously investigated by the IOC, (one of the girls even admitted in a Chinese television interview last year that she was 14!) nobody is batting an eye at all the horrendous Chinese child labour practices that are going on in factories across China in order to feed the government coffers that wasted spent a disgusting 43 billion dollars in showing the world that “we do Olympics better than everybody else.”

Ok, I know a lot of people are saying in defense of the Chinese “Asian kids are much smaller than Western ones”, but let me tell you something. I taught kids in Korea for a whole year, and I did travel to China as well, and I’ve never taught a sixteen-year old who looked that young. From my guestimate as a teacher in Asia, three out of the six girls are 12 or 13 years old.

6. The Spanish slanty-eyes photos

This one speaks for itself. But apparently it wasn’t meant to be offensive, as hard as that may be to swallow. The Spanish basketball team (and their supporters – in the other photos) took out ads featuring this photo, saying “We are prepared for China!”; that is to say, being prepared for Chinese competition meant seeing things through their competitors’ eyes…

7. Accusations of bribery and manipulation in Boxing:


Bought boxing matches, what else is new? I only watched two matches before being too disgusted to continue. Read the account, courtesy of Yahoo News:

Boxing officials were battling to contain a major scandal on Saturday as serious claims of bribery and the manipulation of Olympic judging panels emerged after a series of disputed bouts.

The International Boxing Association (AIBA) suspended Romanian technical delegate Rudel Obreja after he held an impromptu and rowdy press conference and made lurid allegations against senior officials.

AIBA also revealed that it had been tracking “possible attempts of manipulation” for more than two months and had brought in an International Olympic Committee (IOC) observer “when the situation became more serious”.

8. The paralyzed dancer

Because of sloppy platforms and mishandling, a 26-year old woman who was supposed to perform a 2-minute solo dance at the Olympic opening ceremonies, a prize-winning and talented top Chinese dancer, fell and broke her back, resulting in complete paralysis from the waist down. Apparently she had laid in agony for 50 minutes while the emergency medical crew had to endure a lengthy security check. One wonders if more immediate attention and packing of her back in ice could have prevented to extent of the damage.

At first this story was given the usual sanitized Chinese cover-up. But as more stories emerged about the young Mongolian woman who came from nothing, and for whom dance was everything, the media picked up on it. The photo shows the brave face Liu Yan puts on as she wishes the best of luck to her country’s athletes. You have to hope that the Chinese government will be prepared to pay for her lifelong care, rehabilitation therapy and give her a generous pension. You just have to hope.

9. The Grannies sentenced to a year in a re-education labour camp

Two frail-looking Chinese women in their late 70s have caused a storm in China by applying to protest during the Olympics. They’ve embarrassed the Beijing authorities and so earnt themselves a one-year sentence to re-education through labour for disturbing the public order, and that’s even before they got a chance to actually protest. Their case has led to criticism that the so-called Olympic protest parks were never intended to allow people to demonstrate during the Games.

In an interview, neighbours Wu Dianyuan, 79, and Wang Xiuying, 77, said they had not received compensation after their homes were demolished by the city government seven years ago and were simply fighting for their rights.

In an interview, Wang (who is blind in one eye) and Wu were seated together in a ramshackle one-room apartment without electricity in which Wu now lives after her home in central Beijing was demolished to make way for a development.

“We have done nothing wrong,” said Wang.
“They won’t let me protest, then they sentence me to a year labour camp. […] It’s not fair.”

Thankfully, after all the media attention, their sentences have now been suspended, on the condition that they “behave well”. Read: no more protests for grandma.

10. The constant police presence. Read an excerpt from Globe&Mail’s article by G York:

Many of China’s security measures at the Olympics seemed to be symbolic threats, aimed at sending a strong warning message, rather than having any practical purpose. Why did China park an armoured vehicle outside the main Olympic Press Centre? Why did police walk through the crowd at Ditan Park last Sunday, taking photos of every citizen who was watching the closing ceremony on giant outdoor screens? Ditan Park is an ordinary park, not an Olympic venue, and nothing except the large television screens had any connection to the Olympics. Why did the police need to photograph everyone at the park?

I am leaving any other Olympic scandals that come to mind to the readers’ vote – what other dark moment sticks in your mind as an embarrassment to the Beijing 2008 Olympics? Please feel free to contribute your suggestions.

Posted in canada, cuba, culture, fencing, humor, humour, media, news, olympics, politics, press, wtf | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Another reason why fencing sucks big time in Canada

Posted by E on August 22, 2008

 

One of the comments left on CBC following the expletitive outburst of  Sherraine Schalm led me to thinking, and sure enough another reason came to me as to why fencing sucks in this country. (By the way, read the original why fencing sucks-big-time article here). And below is the original comment, from someone named Elberich:

I have fenced for over ten years. Unfortunately competition is about winning and losing, it is not about fencing. This has degraded the culture of fencing. You can see this clearly when each few seconds of fencing (notably in foil and saber) is followed by ten seconds of posing and gesticulating directed at the judges to convince them that you did initiate the attack, have right of way, etc…

It has become more important to convince the judge and score the point than engage in the sport. Fencing is a wonderful sport and when it is practiced with good conduct and within the spirit of fencing it is a thing of beauty. Unfortunately competition has destroyed this.

I hear you. Competition, and the histrionic tantrums and theatrics that accompany it, have destroyed the soul of fencing. Then again, did it ever have a soul, or was it always dominated by a few, “high-bred” snooty white guys? Things haven’t changed much, have they? hmm….

Fencing is one of those unique sports where screaming and “being nasty is what is required” (to quote my former schoolmate Sherraine, who I agree with on this one). I remember being in competition years ago at some Ontario university or another (they all blend it after a while), and there was this one big, tall, ugly girl who kept screaming bloody murder after every touch. Actually, she didn’t just scream. She went: “OOPAH!” like a drunken greek tavern-keeper. Of course, she did well. Everybody thought she was out of her mind. I thought – here’s a psycho who’s obviously found a place to fit in and actually thrive.
And the higher you go through the fencing ranks, the more screaming and nastiness goes on.

There is no such thing in this country as “recreational” fencing. Everyone is pushed to attend competitions – hell, you can’t even fence without being forced to buy a “CFF” licence. What the f*ck is that??

“As of July 2006 the CFF is requiring all participants in fencing in Canada to hold a license.
$10 Register on line from CFF website http://www.fencing.ca
All OFA members are responsible to register for this license independently of the OFA.”

SO here’s another reason why Sports Canada should cut funding for this tightly-controlled “sport”.
You don’t see people shooting hoops or playing soccer in the park being forced to buy licenses, do you? I think the true measure of a sport is whether an average kid can play it in the park. Instead, it is an inbred little fraternity where everyone knows everyone by the first name.
(*waving hand* Oh, hi, Don – thanks for forcing me to buy a CFF licence this year – as if!)

Even if you don’t want to compete, there is no choice. This is how fencing is forced to remain in the hands of an archaic, elitist little bunch of snooty, inbred morons. Who force you to cough up some dough just for the privilege of participating in the sport.

Otherwise, why do they force fencers to register? Are we in a communist country where a head-count is necessary to prevent insurrections? What other sport mandates such exclusion? What other sport demands a fee to a hierarchical institution in order to be played?

This is a case of not being able to see the forest through the trees. If they really want this sport to last, they need to make it accesible to everyone. Why do you think so many people quit fencing after a couple of years? You cannot do this recreationally, and anyone who says so is lying or hasn’t been in the sport long enough to observe that competition is its only embodiment.

This is why fencing is going extinct. Not because we don’t have the need to defend ourselves through swords anymore, but because overseeing bodies like the CFF (Can Fencing Federation) have such tight controls, and nobody is playing it in the schoolyards, on the playgrounds, in the outside world.

And lastly, THIS is the reason why martial arts are so much more popular – because they can be done recreationally, for fun and relaxation, and they encourage a holistic, spiritual merging of body, mind, and soul.

Unfortunately, fencing lacks sorely in the latter.

Posted in canada, fencing, rant, wtf | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

WTF is the problem with Young People F*cking?

Posted by E on June 13, 2008

As so many of you are aware, a little independent film, which may or may not have any artistic value (I haven’t seen it yet, and even if I did, my subjective opinion has no bearing on this post) has splashed into the news, solely because of its cheeky title: Young People F*cking.

Now I don’t really know anything much about it except having heard some convoluted news reports involving Canada Arts Grants and public outrage, of the sort that goes something like: “Is this what our tax dollars are going to,” yadda, yadda, yadda.

Not that I find Arts Grants judges to be much more than an inbred, pat-each-other’s-backs sort, but ask yourself this: If this title should have been called any of the titles below, would anybody in the media have batted an eye, never mind sensationalise it to such a degree that now it is receiving top billing at film fests (as the filmmakers undoubtedly intended)?
Young People Killing
Young People being raped and murdered by psycho cannibals
Young People dismembering each other
Young People blowing each other’s heads off
Young People being torn to shreds and eaten by wild dogs
Young People being murdered by eccentric millionaires in Slovakian torture chambers
Young People being disemboweled by crazy hillbillies
Young People being hunted down by serial killers at roadside stops
Young People cannibalizing each other

Well, what do you think? Would Bill C-10 approve of any of the above? Most likely, if it’s anything like the garbage being produced by Hollywood and the television industry over the last few years? So — how many of those titles I just listed sum up any of the films you might have seen over the past year or so?

Of course, all of that gory, gross stuff is nothing compared to the rather insipid, vacuous act of Young People Fucking.

Well, at least it wasn’t called Young GAY People Fucking. It wouldn’t even make it past the screening room.

Posted in canada, censorship, commentary, culture, gay, media, movie, movie review, news, political correctness, politics, rant, thoughts, violence, wtf | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Steamy Ferret Sex involved in plagiarism scandal

Posted by E on February 5, 2008

ferret-sex.jpg

Here’s a recent story of one man’s succesful attempt to single-handedly ferret out (pun intended) plagiarism of his own work.

The internet is abuzz with the steamy story of a popular romance novelist plagiarizing an article about ferrets. Who is this blasphemous writer? Well, none other than Cassie Edwards, “one of the leading authors in Native American romance,” author of books with titles such as Savage Moon, Savage Glory, Savage Wrongs, Savage Torment, and — well, if you haven’t seen a pattern yet, check out this list of her books. She’s been writing pretty much the same book every month since 1982, with the same title and same model.

Paul Tolme, the original writer of the now-infamous (and some would say scandalous) article on ferrets, writes a brilliant piece of sarcastic commentary on the new-found fame of his ferret piece. If you think you’d appreciate a platter of dry wit served with a side of scintillating irony, you must read his article on Newsweek’s site.

I got quite a kick on the cut-and-pasted ferret article served chopped up with flavour within the post-coital conversation of Savage Bear (or was it Shadow? oh well) and his pioneer mistress. It’s classic.

Crap. If I knew it was that easy to get published in that genre, I’d have been typing up trashy straight romance fiction eeons ago! Wait! There’s still time…..

Posted in animals, books, humor, humour, wtf | 4 Comments »

Orwellian student suspension over creative writing exercise

Posted by E on February 5, 2008

I awoke to today’s news at noon, and the insane story of a grade 12 student being suspended over a creative writing piece. The school’s justification for involving police and suspending the student: the ending culminates with a teacher being killed by a student.

 Check it out here: Story

They could have interpreted the story more than a dozen ways: as an expression of what is going on in schools today, as a literal commentary on student-teacher relations…but no. Cops have to be called in.

This makes me wonder: why are the writers of CSI Miami, Law&Order, and Numbers (to name a few), the producers and script-writers of gory flicks like Saw and Hostel arrested immediately? Why are they not interred in special custody in a barbed-wire encampment a la Guantanamo Bay and occasionally poked with pitchforks? Why aren’t all the creators of blood & gore video games arrested right on the spot? Like, today?

If you are going to stand there and justify punishing a student for a creative writing exercise that would make Stephen King giddy with excitement, then why not punish the world of which he is a mere by-product? Why ruin his chances of getting into university? Would this not actually feed any deep-seated fantasies he may harbour over doing away with his teacher – that is, since we are expected to accept this school’s decision on the premise that there was something in that story that made them want to run off and get a restraining order.

Oh wait…I know. They’re thinking of that crazy Korean guy who massacred dozens at Virginia Tech…and nobody did anything about the violent fantasies in his creative writing. But wait, other than writing some shitty fiction pieces, that guy actually harassed two students, threatened others, and scared his entire class to the point that they had him thrown out of it.

Did this Brendan Jones kid do any of these things? No. He merely handed in a homework assignment that had not been prefaced by: You can write only about pretty, lovely things, but you can’t write anything about violence in the society you are surrounded by.

Good going, you academically-stunted Heart Lake Secondary staff/jerks. How about you pass a mandate to preface every assignment your creatively-challenged staff hand out with: You shall write only that which your teacher would like to read.

Otherwise, why don’t you stick to marking the creative writing papers (gee, isn’t the very definition of “Creative” Writing that it is creative? Read: fiction) based solely on their scholastic, grammatical and topical merits, and leave your perversely-flawed subjectivity out of it.

.

Posted in canada, censorship, commentary, culture, freedom, ignorance, media, news, ontario, politics, propaganda, rant, stupidity, teaching, toronto, writer, writing, wtf | 6 Comments »

Boycott “Awesome!” Can’t you think of any other way to express yourself?

Posted by E on October 22, 2007

If I hear the word “Awesome” one more time, I’m seriously going to hurl.

I really hate the word “Awesome”. No, I really, REALLY hate, despise, and go crazy when I hear it. The preponderance of morons who use it as a substitute for a milliard of other expressions is mind-boggling.

For all you “Awesome” lovers out there, there ARE other ways you can express yourself, you know.

If you’re having a good time or have just received a nice gift, you can use adjectives like “great, cool, neat, wonderful, brilliant, excellent.”

If you’re happy and in a good mood, you can say “I’m having a great time,” or “Fantastic!” or “Amazing”, “I’m having a blast”, “Radical” or “Super” or whatever your heart desires! If creativity is scarce, consider consulting a thesaurus – that’s what they’re there for.

Whether you’re a jock athlete after a game, a teen after a party or an office worker describing how your weekend was, can’t you find any other words beyond “Awesome” to describe your experience??

With the arrival of “Awesome!”, the sad, pathetic trend toward singular expressions in the English language has finally hit the titanic of all icebergs: every emotion, every positive experience, each nuance of happiness has come to meet under this overused and cliched umbrella word.

A friend of mine worked at a summer camp for teenagers last year, and at the end of the summer she received a gigantic Thank-You card from everybody, and I kidd you not, every single one of the youth wrote a note which included “Awesome!” i.e. “You’re an Awesome teacher, ____!” “I had an awesome time”, “Awesome camp”, Everything was so awesome”, and so on and so forth. I mean, how pathetic is that?. It’s bad enough kids these days don’t even learn to write in cursive anymore, now they can’t find any other ways or words to express themselves.

I for one have boycotted this word for the last two years. I have never used it, not once. And I have a hard time keeping myself from cringing when I hear it spewing ad nauseam from the mouths of adults who try to act hip by adopting the latest jargon.

So here’s a message to all Awesome -addicts: PLEASE, just try it for one day. ONE single day. Boycott this freaking word and see if your atrophied brain can muster up any other adjectives.
.

Posted in commentary, culture, humor, humour, life, media, personal, rant, stupidity, thoughts, weird, wtf | 6 Comments »

Porn vs. Violence: why is murder on tv ok, but we can’t watch porn during primetime?

Posted by E on September 27, 2007

In the wake of new video games that glorify combat violence, as well as the increasing popularity of gruesome TV shows like CSI and Numbers, I feel the need to take on the old question I’ve always asked myself: why is violence “sexy” on tv and in the movies, while nudity is considered risque and bordering on obscene? In other words, why can’t we watch porn during primetime?

As a regular, thinking individual with no predisposition toward any “moral” or religious reasons behind my formulation of opinions, I have to really ask:

Why isn’t sex and nudity mainstream on television? Why, instead, is violence, murder and dismemberment so popular? Sex is a natural act for human beings; it is something we will all engage in at some point. And of course, we come into this world naked and leave it the same way. So why is nudity considered obscene? Why are pornographic movies not played on mainstream television? The reality of porn is that it is a seeking of pleasure, an unabashed, rutting seeking of gratification and pleasure. Why is it wrong? Yet serial killers who rape, maim and kill are depicted on prime time every night?

I remember being about six years old and visiting my parents’ friends who lived in Sweden. One night, while the adults were busy talking, one of my playmates picked up the remote control and started surfing the channels. This being Scandinavia, porn flicks were not limited to the after midnight only rule, so we randomly discovered a show where a man was taking a woman’s dress off and licking her breast. I was fascinated to see such a thing – I always thought that only babies nurse at their mothers’ breasts, so why was this grown man doing this?

Suddenly, my mother flew into the room and proceeded to freak out. She covered my eyes and grabbed the remote control, muttering intelligibly about this being “dirty”, terrible stuff. I tried to ask what the two people were doing, but she just wanted to have no part in explaining anything. No discussion ever took place, but I understood that there were terrible, unspoken things that men and women did which involved being naked.

Fast-forward a couple of decades, I am a pre-law university student studying criminal psychology before CSI ever made it out of a nutcase producer’s feverish brain. The only risque shows on television were Law & Order, which now pales in comparison to the more disturbing trend of tv and movies such as Saw, Hostel, Irreversible, the Hills have Eyes, High Tension, Wolf Creek, The Departed, and even Passion of the Christ, which is basically a snuff film rapped up in religious zealotry.

As I studied the profiles of serial killers in my class, I never once found it to be a glorious and exciting event. Volunteering inside prisons, where I talked with women who killed their children, I never thought that in just a few short years the university’s Criminology program would be teeming with Forensic Inspector-wanna-bees who unabashedly would declare that their interest was first aroused by shows like CSI.

Why is it so fascinating for people to see limbs being severed, eyes being gouged out, entrailes removed, torsos crushed with hammers and pick axes, and women being raped and tortured, yet mainstream porn films which show women enjoying themselves be considered so wrong? Why does everyone assume that porn is the “gateway drug” to crime, when in reality only a minuscule number of porn-watchers become actual rapists? And how many of those rapists actually got off on violent films, using the realism involved in television portrayals of torture and murder as feeding fodder for their imagination?
I would rather my child watch a porn film anyday before allowing her to see half the primetime shows on TV.

These violent movies and video games on a subconscious level begin to change you. They are destroying a new generation of youngsters, robbing them of their own humanity, since it is humanity itself that is being degraded, mutilated, and has its soul ripped out for bloody entertainment. We have travelled back into the dark annals of a gory Roman time where the only form of entertainment was to see massacres and blood flowing through the acqueducts of Colloseum forums.

The dead are no longer human; they are things you look at, but no longer comprehend that they are like you. The tortured, the dismembered, the grotesquely murdered are only entertainment.

Yet anything to do with the beauty of the naked human form, with its enjoyment of the senses, and yes, this includes sex, is being puritanically and categorically censored. Even in the Middle Ages all the way up to the Impressionist era, the beauty of the human form was pursued in creative outlets. Only this “advanced” century would have Michaelangelo’s David and his Sistine Chapel nudes censored in elementary schools.

Just two weeks ago Facebook banned several women who had uploaded photos of themselves nursing their babies. Under the auspices of these photos being “Obscene” since they involved a partial view of a woman’s naked breast, the Facebook gestapo would rather believe that babies nursing is a sick act, unnatural, immodest and dirty.

How low has this society come, for people to regard natural life aspects like sex, childbirth and nursing as something to be held privately, behind closed doors, yet unnatural blood and gore as exciting, fun and gratifying entertainment?

I would not want to be a child growing up in this violent, irrational time. I dread to think of the effects on their maturing psyches. In this age, murder is no longer taboo; it is something that gets you on TV.

In this age, to be a celebrity you just have to be an anorexic rich walking imbecile, a pop singer or an actor. Should you invent the cure for cancer and HIV, should you discover new constellations, write great novels and dance like the wind, you are certain to go to your grave without being a coffee-table name. But if you shoot a few people on a university campus, you can be sure to have your name on a collectible trading card.

Sad.

Posted in censorship, children, commentary, culture, facebook, media, mother, movie, nudity, sex, thoughts, tv, violence, wtf | 10 Comments »

Want bigger boobs? Now easier than ever – just eat these F-cup cookies!

Posted by E on August 17, 2007

fcup-cookie02.jpg 

Hello ladies,

 on the heels of my recent entry about Japanese ice cream flavours (like goat chunks and raw horseflesh), here is another delectable offering.

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, “hmm, I wouldn’t mind a larger cup size” but don’t want to go to the expense and risks of plastic surgery, you can opt for this yummalicious-yet-practical snack: it acts like yeast on your boobs, growing them to immense proportions.

Each cookie contains 50mg of the “miracle breast enlarging herb” Pueraria Mirifica. How many cookies you’ll have to eat to get size F Cup is yet unknown.

But dear ladies, do beware, and try not to let your snacking get too out of hand, or your lovely cleavage might explode! Remember, they are called F-cup Cookie for a reason!

I only feel sorry for those plastic surgeons…now they’ll have to go out of business.

I regretfully must inform all that no, I do not offer these cookies on my site – though how I wish! I’d be making a fortune instead of begging all of you to buy my books or a cup of coffee, which none will do for me! (alas, cheap is the price of entertaining the masses these days…)

I would try to import these lovely cookies for you all but I am prevented by a tangled mess on international restrictions, a lack of vendor resale numbers, and a various unpleasant assortment of complicated tarrifs and Canadian food board censorship.

Side effects include cancers, pulmonary embolism and potential death. Methinks the recipe may need to be adjusted.

 must run along now. ta-ta, my pets 🙂

Posted in cuisine, food, girls, humor, humour, Japan, news, weird, women, wtf | 1 Comment »

Japanese ice cream flavours: Squid, eel, goat – not for the faint of heart!

Posted by E on August 8, 2007

Do these dog days of August have you all hot, sweaty and in need of some cool, flavourful ice cream? Wait no more! Straight from Japan, here are a scoopful of delicious offerings that are sure to intrigue your palate (and irritate your bowels).


1. Fish Ice Cream.

2. Octopus Ice Cream.

3. Squid Ice Cream.

4. Ox Tongue Ice Cream. What better way to tickle your taste buds than with another tongue? Though Ox Tongue Ice Cream may not be the first delicacy to come to mind, its taste is nothing to have a beef with.


5. Garlic Ice Cream. Incidentally, Garlic Ice Cream was made in the tiny Aomori Prefecture village of Shingo, which claims to be the place where Jesus Christ’s grave is located.


6. Charcoal Ice Cream.

7. Crab Ice Cream.


8. Squid Gut Ice Cream. Squid innards are often used as a condiment in Japanese cuisine, which I suppose makes it inevitable that it would find its way into ice cream.


9. Squid Ink Ice Cream. If the idea of Squid Gut Ice Cream seems unpalatable, perhaps Squid Ink flavor is more of a tentacled taste-bud tantalizer.


10. Wasabi Ice Cream – you know, that strong-tasting horseradish paste that comes with your sushi.


11. Shrimp Ice Cream.

12. Eel Ice Cream.

13. Pit Viper Ice Cream. Bite into this reptilian-flavored ice cream – that comes straight from a country that considers reptiles as aphrodisiacs!


14. Chicken Wing Ice Cream. Apparently this flavor actually tastes like a fried chicken wing.

15. Indian Curry Ice Cream.

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16. Goat ice cream – this ice cream doesn’t only consist of goat milk, but also quite a few parts of rest of the goat.

If none of these flavours seem very appetising, how about the creme de la creme? I’ve saved the best for last. Just see below 🙂

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17. Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream! If you always thought that old horses were destined for the glue factory, these creative Japanese corporate types have come up with an even more economical way to get rid of old Mr Ed – churn him up (raw, of course! Horse sushi, anyone?) in a blender and serve him chilled on a bed of ice cream!

Bon Apetit, everybody! 😉

Posted in cuisine, food, humor, humour, Japan, weird, wtf | 3 Comments »